Public Radio? I’ll Drink to That

Only a few people know I’m bilingual. I speak two languages: English and NPR.

If you don’t know what the acronym NPR stands for, turn back now and resume watching Dr. Pimple Popper, as this blog is written in geek speak and there may be a language barrier. Pimple popping, on the other hand, is universally understood.

This sheltering in place really has me bummed because I can’t get together with others who speak NPR, like my friend Jayne, and my cousin Chad, who are both proficient in native NPR.

At a gathering, the three of us will find each other and huddle together in a corner, comparing viewpoints and regurgitating excerpts from “Fresh Air,” “All Things Considered” and “Hidden Brain.” Although I yearn to get together with Jayne and Chad during this pandemic, NPR’s “Coronavirus Daily” tells me that’s not a good idea.

Chad is an OTR driver for Walmart and spends countless days and nights delivering toilet tissue and hand sanitizer to hoarders all over the U.S. He has a lot of time to check for stray nose hairs in his rearview mirror and to listen to NPR. Jayne and I are just freaks. In short: We all “get” one another. (pantomime ad nauseam: “You complete me.”)

It seems once, while we were discussing NPR’s broadcasts of world events and “Wait, Wait, Don’t Tell Me,” everyone else was playing a drinking game with us as the oblivious hosts. Every time they heard Chad or Jayne or me say “NPR” they took a drink. Apparently, we said it quite often. I know this because we were sober, yet informed, and they were uninformed, yet way more fun than us.

There’s probably a lesson in all of this, but I’ll figure it out later. Right now, I’ve got to catch the 7 p.m. “Moth Story Slam” on NPR.

Take a drink.